Defunct
by PlatinumGal
Summary: Think You know Deltora high school Aus? Think Again. WARNING: Extreme Au, Ooc Characters, hinted slash, The whole caboodle. Rated M for a reason.
1. Chapter 1

_**Inspired from the Au discussions on the forums, about how High school Aus **__**should**__** be written.**_

_**WARNING: Hinted Slash, Lots of Swearing, violence, the whole caboodle. Will stay away from strong Lemon. For now anyway**__**. Contains a number of very British terms (I.e. 'fit' 'dole' 'snog' etc) As Au as they come **__**Ooc characters. starts off fairly PC, but it only goes downhill from here baby!**_

_**Defunct**_

"Fuck off."

Barda took a long drag on his cigarette.

"Make me bastard" he smirked.

Lief glowered and lit his own cigarette, resting his feet on the wall opposite the bench.

Barda laughed and seated himself next to him on the bench.

"You seen Jasmine lately?" asked Lief nonchalantly.

Barda knew his friend well enough to know what he was thinking.

"You won't get far with that girl mate, I mean, great tits and all that, but she's practically frigid... no wait...she_ is _frigid_."_

"She is _not!" _spluttered Lief, instantly regretting it.

"You know what she said to Dain? '_I want to wait till I'm married!' _Are you fucking kidding me? What kind of girl thinks that?"

Lief flushed red and looked at his feet, then hastily changed the subject.

"You done that English homework?"

"Nah. Who bloody cares about _Othello?_"

Lief Smiled.

"Ms. Lowe probably. And that's about it."

He checked his watch.

"Better head off. Mum'll be back from the dole by now"

He stood up and slung his bag over his soldier.

"Lief? You ever considered Jasmines sister?"

"Who Lindal?"

"Yeah. She's pretty fit if you ask me. And less snotty."

Lief raised his eyebrows.

"She's fucking _terrifying_! She's like, twice my size! Imagine if I tried to snog her! I'd be kissing her tits!"

Barda laughed

"Would that be so bad?"

"Do _You _like her?"

Barda was silent. A historical first.

When he opened his mouth to speak again it was on a completely different topic.

"Have you seen Doom? He must work out a lot."

* * *

"Bang_! Bang! BANG! _...Lief...you're dead now. Look! I shot you!"

Lief ruffled his cousin's hair.

"What did you play today Marilen?"

"Mounted Police and Indians! We wiped out _all_ the Indians!" She put as much emphasis on _all _as her lisp would allow her to.

"Good."

_Six years old and already a homicidal manic. She does me proud. _

"Tomorrow we're gonna play gangsters! Lief! Lief!" she tugged on his jumper sleeve, desperate for acknowledgment "I'm gonna be an _untouchable__!"_

"Good. Where's mum?"

"Inside..._Lief_, You're _dead!" _She mimed shooting him again.

"Well I just go inside and die shall I?" chuckled Lief

"Yeah."

He laughed again and went indoors.

"Mum? Mum!"

Sharn walked down the stairs and raised her hand for silence.

"Not too loud sweetheart. I've got a migraine."

Lief snorted.

_She's always got fucking migraines. _

"Are you still taking Marlien to the zoo on Saturday? "He asked, trying his best to ignore the strong smell of alcohol.

"What? When did we decide that? We never decided that!"

Lief's calm demeanour started to crack.

"You promised her! Two weeks ago!"

"Sweetheart, I'm sure I would've..."

"No, you wouldn't! You always fucking blow her out!"

Sharn glared at him.

"Don't use that language around..."

"Oh fuck you! Don't you tell _me _not to swear when you..."

"Lief..."

Sharn and Lief turned around.

"Can we play jungle explorers?"

Marlien stood in the doorway. Lief shot Sharn a nasty look.

"Of course"


	2. Chapter 2

_The man laughed._

"_Oh? What do you think about this?"  
He leaned in for a kiss. His partner offered no resistance. Slowly...*_

"_LIN-DAL!_ Supper time!"

Lindal rolled her eyes and saved her work, before standing up and walking down the stairs.

The smell of cottage pie wafted from the kitchen. Lindal mimed vomiting.

Her hair was naturally black, but since turning 16 it had seen every artificial colour under the sun, including pink and platinum blonde.

Those had been dark days, involving cheerleading, dancing and pastel clothing.

Dark Dark Days.

Jasmine was already sat at the table, a glum look on her face as she examined her nails.

While Lindal had gone through the '_Pink tinted pink stuff' _stage, Jasmine appeared to be going through the '_Grunt-I'm-total- recluse' _stage.

Lindal put it down to her dick of an on/off (currently _**on**_) boyfriend, Dain.

She didn't know why Jasmine didn't just _ditch _him properly. He treated her like dirt, never paid much attention to her _and _he had _**really **_bad acne.

Josef and Anna smiled in a besotted-y way at each other.

Once again Lindal mimed vomiting.

The Broome Family had been described as 'Like those families in pasta sauce adverts*' by Barda. This had been fairly true, before Lindal and Jasmine had gone pubescent.

They had eaten every dinner together, they had watched TV Together, they had encouraged Lindal's writing, and Jasmine's art.

Now they all seemed separate.

Sure, they ate together, but Jasmine was always locked in her room, and Lindal resided in a mystical place called 'Out'.

Anna spooned the vile mix of potatoes and meat onto each plate.

Jasmine frowned and went back to examining her nails.

Josef raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

No one ever did these days.

* * *

Jasmine opened her art book.

All her little ideas wormed the way into it.

She loved drawing animals, but since she found willing participants hard to come by, (Filli the guinea pig would rarely sit still long enough for her to draw him unless she bribed him with lettuce) she mostly stuck to still life, and portraits.

She flicked to her most recent piece of work and started sketching.

She liked to vary between pencil and oil pastels, creating an interesting contrast.

Colour work done, she smudged and blurred the lines for effect, then sat back to admire her work.

It was a picture of Lief.

A knock came at the door.

"Jasmine? Dain's here to see you"

Jasmine looked at the picture, and felt a wave of guilt.

"Coming!" She answered ripping the page out of her book and throwing it in the bin.

* * *

*A fan fiction writer within a fan fiction? Truly it boggles the mind.

*You know the kind I mean, the woman laughs and stirs sauce in slow motion, children run in from playing non-competitive tag in the garden, the dog (always a Labrador) tries desperately to steal titbits, etc etc.

Yes a bit of Dain-bashing in this chapter, but think of it more from Lindal's point of view.

Since Doom/Jarred is a 16 year old in this fic, Anna and Josef got hitched. Hey it's Au.


	3. Chapter 3

On the other side of town, Barda unlocked the door of his home and stepped inside.

Technically speaking, it was his Father's home, but since his mother's death several years before, his father was almost always 'Out'.

Barda preferred things this way.

He went to his room and sat on the edge of his bed, deep in contemplation.

His Thoughts strayed to Lief.

Sure he had a seriously fucked-up mum, and when it came to his education, he was hardly going to become Poet Laureate, but at least he had that one bright spark in his life. _Marilen_.

Envy.

It was an odd feeling. You never knew you were capable of feeling it until it snuck up and attacked you from behind.

People always tell you to appreciate what you've got. What can you appreciate when you haven't got anything?

What was _his _bright spark supposed to be?

_Story of my life so far, _thought Barda.

* * *

Doom lifted the dumbbell.

Sweat poured down his face and he panted slightly.

_102, 103, 104, 105..._

He always counted his lifts, it helped motivate.

_256, 257, 258, 259..._

Every opportunity he had, he trained in some way.

_322, 323, 334, 335_

Like his father always said, '_There's no place in this world for people who are drifters, Jarred, people who are 'satisfactory'. The world is a place for people who are excellence defined, never forget that.'_

He never did.

_499,500, 501,502..._

He had seen the ones his father would dub 'satisfactory', though Doom barely considered them that. They were scum, they were not superior or equal, and therefore they were not worth his time.

_664, 665.666,667..._

_

* * *

_

_Phew...depressing! I couldn't make these two long enough for a single chapter, so I lumped the two together. The plot line is about to begin! Sorry for torturing Poor ol' Barda, but his general dick-headedness **had **to come from **somwhere!**_

_Thanks to homesweethomicede13 for the idea :)_

_And thanks to you both (you know who you are) For being regular reviewers! Next update may be a little while. Keep on truckin'! :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_Right-o Remember I promised to get into the main storyline this chapter? I Lied. (You trusted the author? Shame on you :P)  
Presenting A typical Lesson at __Deltora __Adin High School._

_

* * *

_

_"...And so we know that the Best system for writing an essay is..."_

Barda drummed his fingers endlessly on the desk, staring at the clock, willing it to go faster.

_"...point, evidence, explain."_

His eyes strayed across the room to Lief's seat in the corner, who was staring at the board with a blank look. His gaze met Barda, and he pulled a face.

Barda grinned, but strategically covered his papers with his arm, so Lief couldn't see the mass of notes he had written. Lief winked and gestured wordlessly to the seat in front of him, Doom's seat. He lifted his feet so they rested on the plastic -moulded chair.

Doom, who had been gawking at the board trying to take in the 'PEE*' System, turned and glared at him. Leif sniggered and lent back on his own chair. Doom sighed and turned back to the board.

Ms. Lowe, seemingly oblivious to the attention span of her class, continued rambling.

Lindal hissed across the class room.

"Oh grow _up"_

Lief pulled another face but lowered his feet.

Barda rolled his eyes and made a discrete rude gesture in Lindal's general direction, who responded by throwing a screwed up piece of paper at his head.

He opened it to discover a doodle of a stickman (labelled 'You') keeled over while another stickman.(labelled 'Me') brandished what appeared to be a machine gun. Underneath was her signature, and a few kisses).

_Typical,_ thought Barda, _the one decent girl in the year wants to murder me. Ah well. At least she knows who I am._

_

* * *

_

Adin Comprehensive was not what you would call desirable. It was in a word, a shit-heap, both visually and mentally.

The walls were peeling, the carpets hadn't seen a Hoover** in what seemed like years, and the grass outside had long since faded from green to brittle yellow. And that was before you noticed the lichen-like splats of chewing gum and other substances on the floor, or the stale fug of cigarettes that hovered throughout the corridors.

The staff and students were very much like the building itself. Either they were falling apart behind a thin veneer of self-confidence; or they were simply falling apart, without the thin veneer of self-confidence.

* * *

"Oi! Barda!"

it was Lindal.

"Hey" Said Barda sheepishly, staring at his feet.

Lindal rolled her eyes a slipped another piece of paper into his hand. She smiled and then pretended she was needed elsewhere.

He waited till he was sure she was gone, then looked at the piece of paper.

It was her number.

_Wait till I tell Lief_

_

* * *

_

_Well You know what they say: The more they act like they hate you the more they like (unless they **really **hate you).  
*The P.E.E System was designed to help us analyze more. All it made me do was think of urinating :)  
**Hoover=Vaccum Cleaner_


	5. Chapter 5

Barda's fingers hovered over the phone.

_Calm down_ he thought to himself,_ you are just calling a girl you've known since Nusery when you pulled your trousers down and pissed on her...dear god I was fucked up..._

He glanced at the small scrap of paper, where Lindal had scrawled the number.

Odd, the feelings a piece of dead tree can invoke.

After several minutes (altough it felt like hours) of staring at the paper, he swallowed and began dialling.

He tapped his fingers nervously as he heard the dialling tone.

"Hello?"

"Lindal? Hey I..."

"What? No it's Jasmine."

There was A boys voice in the background,

"Oi! Jasmine! Who is it?"

"Shut up Dain. Hang on, I'll get her."

The sound of footsteps up stairs seeped out of the phone.

Despite the noise of the phone, he could hear keys jingling in the lock.

_Fuck, not now..._

A 'man' grunted and went into the kitchen.

Meanwhile...

_'Oi Lindal, lad for you.'_

_'Who is it?'_

_'Dunno. Some dickhead.'_

Barda raised his eyebrows.

_'Give it here.'_

Downstairs the 'man' began shuffling around the kitchen, creating a great deal of noise

_BANG BANG BANG._

"Yeah? Who is it?"

"Me...Barda"

_Ooh how very eloquent._

_BANG BANG BANG_

_"_Oh...well now's not really a good time...what the hell is that noise?"

_BANG BANG BANG._

"Err...renovation..."

"Renovation."

"Yeah...Kitchen...renovation"

"Uh-huh..."

_**BANG BANG BANG**_

He could now hear another persons voice.

"Who is it Lindal?"

_**BANG BANG BANG**_

_Doom._

Anger masked by dissapointment surfaced in Barda's mind, but he managed to hold it back long enough to formulate a reasonable answer.__

"Sorry Lindal...err got to go...you know...renovating..."

He hung up.

He sat back on the bed, feeling utterly miserable.

_**BANG BANG BANG!**_

In his deflated stat, the only thing Barda could think to say was:

"Dad! Shut the fuck up!"

He was grateful for the fact that both the banging ceased, and his father did not shout back. Those arguments could go on for hours.

He fell back onto the bed and let himself wallow in self-pity.

* * *

_Sorry Barda, You know I love you, but suffering=Art.  
*Ducks as Barda Throws Punch*_

_Sorry for not updating, things are pretty hectic! xx :)_


	6. Chapter 6

Lindal frowned at the phone irritably.

_He hung up on me? Dick._

Doom was sat on the edge of her bed, biting his lip nervously.

"Who was it?" he asked.

"Hmm? Oh Barda. Y'know, he sits opposite you in English."

Doom thought for a moment, then recalled the tall dark-haired boy with a trace amount of stubble who had sworn at Lindal earlier that day. He smiled somewhat fondly at the memory.

_Barda._ He liked the way it sounded.

"So anyway," Lindal continued, "Do you want to call it a day?"

Doom shrugged then nodded. Lindal sighed, Doom never talked much, but you could always tell what he was thinking.

"Alright then, I'll see you tomorrow. We'll meet up same time next week yeah?"

Again, a nod from Doom. Lindal smiled. Doom stood up and grabbed his satchel, giving Lindal a most uncharacteristic wink.

"See ya." He joked, leaving the house in a remarkably cheerful manner.

Once on the street, he resumed his normal hardy pose, but anyone who knew him well enough (very few, although with good reason), would notice a very slight spring in his step, as he made his way home.

_He had found one worth his time._

_

* * *

_

"For crying out loud Dain! I'm _fifteen_ fucking years old! It's against the bloody _law_, I've said it before I'll say it again: _I. Want. To. Wait. Till. I._ _Am .Fucking. Married!" _Jasmine angrily put as much emphasis on each syllable as she could, hoping to get her point across.

It didn't work.

Dain ignored her protests and thrust his tounge down her throat. She tried to cry out, putting all her strength into an attempt to force him off of her. She couldn't, the pressure on her chest was too great. A sharp throbbing pain spread to her eye, as he knocked her down.

"What the fuck is going on here?" someone bellowed.

The pressure on her chest was alleviated as Dain was dragged off of her.

"Get the fuck off my sister!"

Lindal sent a hard blow to Dains nose, sending him backwards, sprawled across the carpet.

"You broke my bloody jaw!" he exclaimed angrily, staggering to his feet.

"Get out of the house Dain. Go!" said Lindal.

Dain looked over at Jasmine pleadingly.

She shook her head at him," go Dain...just go"

Dain looked at her coldly, rubbed his bloodied nose and stormed out the house.

Several tears rolled down Jasmine's cheek. Lindal sighed heavily, sat next to her on the sofa and gently put her arm around her. Jasmine nuzzled into her and despite the distance between them in the past few weeks, neither had felt closer to the other than now.

* * *

Fear the drama people FEAR IT!

next update soon xx :)


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N To avoid confusion, italics= Barda!notes. __**Bold italics= Lief!Notes. **_**Bold=Doom!Notes**

**

* * *

**

_Two steps  
Blink thrice  
Turn around  
Count the ways  
Home again._

Jasmine's black eye was killing her. She'd tried _everything._ Leftover steak, Birdseye Peas, even a wet flannel, nothing helped. Neither she nor Lindal had mentioned to their parents exactly how she'd got it, settling for, 'Door', and leaving it at that.

_Four steps  
Home thrice  
Turn and count  
Blink again_

Jasmine noted that, while not necessarily good parenting, it was one aspect of Anna and Josef's personalities she liked; if you didn't want to tell, they wouldn't ask.

_Six steps  
Count Thrice  
Turn Again_

She finished her art homework; flannel still precariously positioned on her face, stood up and went downstairs.

* * *

_Eight steps  
Count again_

Barda looked his poem, his pen poised over the paper. He never normally had to think _this bloody hard_. But then, his brain had been pretty frazzled over the past few days. He bit his lip and scribbled over his work.

He sighed, waited for Ms. Lowe to shuffle past his desk, and then whipped out a piece of scrap paper:

_When The Clock Strikes Ten,  
You will always wonder when,  
You can clear off,  
Home Again_

He folded up the paper and threw it over to Lief who unfolded it, grinned, scribbled something else on it and threw the scrap back.

_**When the Clock strikes Three  
Home we'll be  
and you'll phone Lindal  
Endlessly**_

_Wouldn't waste my phone credit  
on said two-timing bitch  
we'll hang with Marilen instead  
forget that witch._

_**? ? ?  
Weren't you two  
loved up a few days ago?  
I was sure she'd given you a blow-  
job.***_

_Can we stop writing in rhyme?  
It's hard to explain  
When writing in prose  
all of the time_

_**Fine but you started it...**_

_**

* * *

**_

With their note coversation finished, Barda tried to turn his attention back to his original poem. However, once he started writing again, he spotted a fresh note on his desk:

**You rang Lindal the other day. Why?  
****  
**_Why do you care?_

**We'll you rang and then you hung up. I'm curious as to the latter.**

_Can you not write like that in notes? It's distracting._

**That's just my idiom dickbag. Get used to it.**

_And don't use 'Idiom' and 'dickbag' in the same sentance either _Jarred_. _

**Don't call me Jarred then. Compromise.**

_Fine. Now stop clogging up my note space. It puts people off writing to me, and that just hinders my reputation._

**Now who's using long words hypocrite? Anyway, I want to talk to you after school. It's important. Big-Oak Tree?**

_O.k then. Now scram._

_

* * *

_

A/N writing in rhyme is harder than I thought! I had the idea of a conversation in notes ages ago, and I was going to do it for a I realised it would fit here better than anything else I could writing, and so Chapter 7 was born :D

*ahem...errr slang for the act of...um...oral sex.


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/n **__sorry for the long delay folks, I had a major case of writers block recently. My cure? Hot Chocolate, hot bath, and reading all my lovely reviews, they're like my little muses ;).  
It is short however, because I am cruel._

* * *

The Big Oak Tree was situated in a tiny park on the city outskirts; the only noticeable piece of greenery in the whole town. It had been there for as long as anyone could remember, and was suitably covered in various carvings a mixture of people had decided to engrave at various points in time.

Even so, the Tree was greatly 'respected' by most of the local adolescents, as a remnant of times gone by. In fact, when the council threatened to cut it down, due to it being a 'hive for drunken activity', Barda and Lief had organised a massive sit-down protest, in which they gathered around the Tree and, as Lindal had put it, 'continued to not do anything important'.

In any case, the Tree had been spared but, partially as a mark of admiration, no one seemed to visit anymore. As such, it was the quietest place for miles around.

Barda had arrived early, (this was a month of many firsts for him) and sat at the rear of the Tree, facing away from the main road.

Nervously, he lit a cigarette, stared at it thoughtfully for a moment, and then threw it on to the ground.

Behind him was the gentle crunching of heavy boots on brittle grass.

"Hey," Barda said.

"Hey," came the reply.

Doom sat down beside him. Barda edged away slightly.

"So?" He said bluntly.

Doom sighed

"You're here about Lindal, aren't you?"

"What else would I be here about?" Returned Barda sharply.

His pointed tone threw Doom off a little, so he bit his lip and turned away.

* * *

"Jasmine..." Lief glanced down the corridor to check Dain was nowhere in sight.

"Oh, hey Lief"

Lief blinked at her matter-of-fact reply.

"I just wanted...y'know..." he paused thoughtfully, "Does it hurt? The black eye, I mean" he added quickly.

Jasmine shrugged, "A bit."

"How have you tried to get rid of it?"

"Just about everything really. Ice packs mainly." Jasmine said, resting her hand on the wall.

"Do you use heating pads afterwards? That always helps. Trust me, I've had more than my fair share of Shiners," Lief said, more casually than he felt.

She looked at him oddly, her head slightly to one side like a puppy's.

"No, I haven't. I'll try that... Cheers." She smiled, before turning to walk down the hallway. Lief frowned.

"Jasmine! Wait!" He spluttered in an unintentionally high voice.

"Yes?"

"I...do you want me and Barda to beat up Dain?... he's been asking for it for ages."

_That was **not **what I wanted to say._

Jasmine chuckled. "Nah, Lindal already took care of it. Thanks anyway" She looked at him. "See you Lief".

* * *

"You've shaved," muttered Doom.

"What?"

"You used to have a little stubble, now you don't. Ergo: you applied shaving cream and..."

"Yeah OK, I get it." Sighed Barda. For a moment, he wondered why Doom had mentioned this, but he pushed the only answer he could think of to the back of his mind, which seemed to be in danger of over-flowing soon.

They said nothing for a little while. Finally, Doom could take it no longer.

"Look me and Lindal..."

"You and Lindal what?" snapped Barda, suddenly alert. Once again, the acidity of his words panicked Doom, but he was somewhat used to this and was able to ignore it.

Almost.

"You don't get it do you Doom?" growled Barda suddenly, "You can't swan around thinking you're better than everyone else and..." He knew he was over-reacting, but he _had _to get this off his chest. The back of his mind needed emptying.

"Nothing happened alright?" barked Doom angrily "I don't look at Lindal that way. Now if you'd _shut the fuck up _I can explain _properly_."

"But you...she...I...the" Barda made a sound that sounded like a strangled cat. Doom couldn't help grinning in spite of himself

"She was helping me _study._ All right? For the English essay, don't tell me you've forgotten already," smirked Doom fondly.

Barda blinked. Inwardly, He'd been hoping for something just a _little _more stirring. Drug abuse? Midnight Raves? Orgies? That would have been good, in a horrible, roundabout way.

"_Studying_? Are you fucking_ kidding me?" _he said incredulously.

"Nope. It really is that simple Barda."

_It really is a very nice name. It rolls off the tounge._

"Well...sort of." He added swiftly.

_No more delays._

Barda frowned "What have you done Jarred?"

Doom flinched at the mention of his name but let it slide.

"It's not what I've _done_ _per se..._It's what I want _to do_."

"With Lindal?"

"Will you _shut up about Lindal? _I swear, you've got a one track mind." He sighed mockingly.

"I think you'll find I'm a man of many layers!" sniffed Barda sarcastically

Doom smiled softly, "I know you are. And it's bloody annoying!"

With that, he leaned forward and kissed him. Although he was completely paralyzed with shock, it would seem to any onlookers that Barda was kissing him back like he truly meant it.

* * *

_This chapter contained slash. U mad?_


	9. Chapter 9

A/N I hope words will express how sorry I am for not updating. Life and procrastination and all. Also, Daggerfall. Otherwise BIIIIG Hugs for you all for bearing with me! I Am very sorry. Hopefully, my updates will be a little less sporadic. The texts are not in text speak, because that is just lazy.  
_**BoldItalics**__**Lindal. **__Italics=Lief_

* * *

Barda sorted through his thoughts as quickly as he could.

His first thought was: _Shit, bugger, fuck what the hell is he doing?_

This was quickly followed by: _And why am I enjoying it? Shit._

And finally: _Fuck being polite. That's all I'm doing. Being polite. Fuck that. Yeah. _  
And on that note he found his fist flying to Dooms face. Doom recoiled, gaping in mild shock. Which, Barda noted, was somewhat hypocritical considering what the former had done.

Doom reached to the corner of his mouth, then looked at his fingers.

"I'm bleeding!" He said angrily.

Doom had always had issues with people. Barda knew this, they had, after all, had been vaguely aware of each other for several years. Had he been a little wiser, he would have known not to punch him in the middle of his face, which had been known to 'Push his buttons' in the past. Most assumed he just _didn't like people_, but his files said otherwise.

Even so, Barda forgot a golden rule in life. _Don't fight with people who are bigger than you__._

And, after Doom had finished beating him to a bloody and bruised pulp, he bitterly regretted not remembering this rule.

His last thought before falling unconscious was,

_I am a colossal prick._

* * *

Lindal looked at her mobile, while simultaneously painting her nails and looking at a webpage; apparently it somehow annoyed her Dad, so she kept doing it.

"_You have no new messages. Not one, not even from yourself. Haha"_

_Thanks a lot little sis, _Thought Lindal.

Jasmine had amused herself updating her phone again it seemed.

She put the phone down and shifted slightly so she could paint the other hand.

"_You have no new messages. Not one, not even from yourself. Haha"_

Boredom didn't even begin cover it. Any little thing that could distract her from the void of nothingness in her brain was welcome. Even daytime TV, which was almost depressing to her.

Her phone beeped, and she sat up, spilling the tiny pot of nail varnish onto the floor.

"_You have one message. Wow, hark at Miss Popular"_

_Yup, she's re-recorded _all _your message alerts. Fun.  
_

Seizing her phone, Lindal read the text.

_Hi Lin, How are you? _

Ah it was Lief. Oh well, can't have everything.

As she tapped out her reply, she received another text.

_Did you get my text? You didn't text me back!_

_Oh look, _she thought, _he's trying to be funny._

_**Shut up Lief. I'm fine by the way. xxx  
**_

_Sorry. Have you heard from Barda? He said he was going to the Tree, but he hasn't texted me or anything._

_**No I haven't. Five minutes apart and your lonely are you? Awwww. Anyway, I thought he was going to meet Doom. That's what Doom said to me anyway.**_

_He is?_

_**Shit. I just realised something**_

_What is it? Are you thinking what I just started thinking?_

_**I think I am. Intervention? **_

_I think so!_

* * *

_I...am not dead! I'm not dead! Praise be! Now then, I should really say something. I was kind of stupid. Here we go..._

"Sowrie"

Doom blinked. The red mist seemed to be fading. He looked down.

_Shit. Who did I murder? _

"Barda? Oh god are you alright?"

"Wot does... look like?" His face was swollen and puffy, making it hard to enunciate.

"Hmm, fair enough. Do you have any tissues or anything?"

"Yus, I'm in... habit of carrying tis-hoos." Barda replied , with as much dignity and sarcasm as he could muster, which was to say-none.

Doom extended a hand and, slightly fearful of both being kissed and being punched, Barda took it, struggling to his feet.

Then the fog of injury that clouded his mind cleared.

"Why... you do that?" he muttered .

"Which?" Doom chuckled nervously.

"Both I dink,"

_If you can't figure out the first you are an idiot. _Doom thought.

"The first because I like you, the second because I hate you and want to punch your smug-fuck face in...no scratch that. I hate _most _people who punch me when I'm trying to seduce them" he said, more jovially then he was actually feeling.

_In fairness, that second part still only means you._

Barda looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Dat's very nice Doom, but I'm not day,"

"I know. It was nice to pretend though."

And that was when Lief and Lindal charged onto the scene, bellowing.

* * *

Later, Barda was at on the battered sofa in his own lounge, Lindal was holding a tissue to his nose. The house smelled of takeaway pizza, but to be honest, he couldn't tell. In the general excitement of the afternoon (camera pictures, jokes, and play fighting-typical stuff) the four had forgotten that he was actually bleeding quite badly.

"So you didn't know?" Lindal said finally.

"Ah, no."

"You're being remarkably open-minded about this,"

"Meh. If it's Doom, it's OK. I mean, have you _seen _those muscles...OW! Stop tweaking my nose woman!" he slapped her hand away playfully, seizing the tissue himself and holding it, "Then again, that should have been a clue. No way has any straight guy cared that much about his appearance. What?" He added irritably seeing the look on Lindals face.

"Come on, Doom's not a stereotype! Doom's...Doom."

Lindal opened her mobile to check the time.

"_You have no new messages. Not one, not even from yourself. Haha"_

"Ignore that. Anyway, it's late, I should be heading off."

"Awwww, I need soothing after my traumatic encounter!"

Lindal looked at him.

"If you don't shut up, you're going to need _more _soothing. Dooms muscles have got _nothing _on mine." She joked.

Barda pulled a face, and waved goodbye. She responded by kissing his cheek.

_I should get beat up more often._

* * *

_A/N: Hope you like this then, after that long wait! Just so you know, that's mostly the end of the Barda/Doom arc and pairing for this. Doom is many things, but he knows when to quit :3_

_Please R&R!_


End file.
